The truth is

The other day I had a heart to heart with a really good friend about life. She said something to me that really stuck with me. She told me that she doesn't know if she could deal with the things that have happened to me the past few months and be okay. She said that I seem fine and happy. The truth is I'm not fine. A lot of shitty things have happened within the last few years, but the only thing that gets me through it is knowing that I will be okay. At times I feel so alone and have no idea how I am going to get through the next day, let alone the next week, or month. Being young can suck at times but feeling alone makes it even worse. In the last two years I have lost my two best friends. The two people who I thought I could always count on. It's difficult to lose your best friends but losing them while so much change is happening such as graduating and your first year of college makes it worse. I guess the point of this is to say things are going to be okay. At times I question this but at the end of the day I know everything is going to be okay and that is the reason I'm able to put a smile on my face. I feel like me putting a smile on my face really helps and honestly a smile is one thing that can totally change my attitude. So smile, be happy, and know that everything will be okay (:

Quote One: One Night I Dreamed

I have become sort of addicted to Pinterest. Pinterest is an online vitural pinboard, for those of you who don't know what it is. Lately I have been pinning a lot of quotes and thought why not share them on my blog. So probably about weekly I am going to be sharing a quote. There may be times when I do more than one a week because some are just so good I need to share them! 

Here it is!

Quote One (:

Italian Memories

I am the kind of person that when I try something new like using a planner or writing in a journal I get into it for a little while and then it slowly dies down. I recently found my journal that I kept while I was in Italy two years ago and wanted to share with you all of my journal entries. I didn't write in it the entire time but I am going to share with you the days that I did (: Parts of it may be jumbled and may not make a ton of sense but it is my journal so it really only needs to make sense to me.

June 16, 2010

Day One

We departed the U.S. around 2:15. The plane ride to Germany was extremely long. I met a guy my age named Daimin. Damin was born in Germany and lived there until he was two and then him and his family moved to Sacramento, California. We arrived in Germany and I bought a postcard from the airport for my collection. After buying the postcard my Papa and I found euros in the machine that had been left. We boarded our plane to Venice. The flight to Venice was very short compared to our flight from California to Germany. We got to the Venice airport and had to get tickets from the mainland to Venice. Papa at first couldn't figure out how to get the tickets, he put in 50 euros, I had to show him that the machine only took 5, 10, and 20 euros. Silly Papa! We took a boat to Venice through the main canal. The buildings were all old but beautiful. We rode under the Rialto Bridge which is the oldest bridge in Venice. We walked around for a long time trying to find our hotel. We finally found our hotel but by accident. Our hotel was built in the 1200's! Old right? We went up to our room and took napes because it had been a longggggg day! Then we went to dinner. Of course we got lost again and found the restaurant by accident. Being a typical american tourist I got a salami/pepperoni pizza. After dinner we went back to our hotel for a good night sleep. 

June17, 2010

Day Two

We had breakfast at the hotel. The day was mostly filled with learning about the city and shopping. We also walked to San Marco to check out that area of the city. We didn't have a very big day because we were all jet lagged. 

June 18, 2010

Day Three

I woke up to Italians speaking Italian early in the morning as they were all walking to work early in the morning. After we ate breakfast we went to church. The art work was beautiful and so was the architecture of the building. After we found our way beck to the hotel we had to meet our tour guide and tour group. Our tour guide name is Donato and he is Canadian. We then went for a tour of Venice. After the tour we had a nice meal and then went for a gondola ride. The ride was so amazing. The gondola ride ended our day. 

June 19, 2010 

Day Four

Today was the start of our tour, we have to also have a local tour guide because Donato can get finned for giving us information inside churches. With the tour we went back to the church we had gone to the day before. Only this time I got to take photos. We also got to see how local masks are made. We got to go to see how class is blown and beautiful glass pieces. After that I went to look at the Doge's Palace which is giant and beautiful. I also got to see the dungeon and walk on the Bridge of Sighs. 

June 20, 2010

Day Five

It rained all day. We went to a beautiful art museum and then we went to a house of a rich noble. The top floor was an art museum as well. We went back to the hotel the check out the Italy soccer game against New Zealand. Italians are very serious about their "futbol" The game ended with a 1 to 1 score against New Zealand. 

June 21, 2010

Day Six

We left Venice on a bus and headed to Florence. It was interesting getting to see cars once we exited Venice. Most of the cars are tiny or cars that would be expensive in the U.S. We stopped to eat lunch at an auto grill that was over the freeway. Once we arrived in Florence we went to the hotel and then went for a tour of Florence. We went to a leather shop that Donato recommends because it's real leather at a reasonable price. After the whole tour went to dinner. We got three courses. The first was 3 different types of pasta. The second was steak! Yum! Florence is known for their steak. Finally, was dessert. After we went back up to the top of the Terrace with two girls from my tour, Emily and Laura. 

June 22, 2010

Day Seven

First we went to an art museum. Then we went to a sculpture museum. After my grandparents and I went to the church that has Galileo's and Michelangelo's memorials. After eating Gelato we meet up with the group and went to go see Michelangelo's sculpture of David. Afterwards I got to go back to the leather purse store and grandma bought me a beautiful purse and bought one as well. Then we went  back to the hotel and watched the Argentina vs. Greece game. 

June 23, 2010

Day Eight

We did a back street tour of Florence. We also visited an old Florentine house. After we went and had cappuccinos and a snack. We also visited another church but could only be there for 15 minutes. After that I got to go to the Duomo with Papa, Laura, and Emily. We climbed to the top which is 436 steps up. It was beautiful. 

I didn't write in my Journal while I was in Rome so that is the only portion that there isn't anything written about. I hope your enjoyed it!

may mean something to you

Recently I found an old journal of mine. During my myspace days I went through a phase when I would write down all of the quotes that I would find online and liked. I decided to go through that journal and share with you the quotes that are still my favorite.

"Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear"

"I promise one day you will regret losing me and look back and say damn that girl really did love me"

"Every story has an ending but in life every ending is just a new beginning"

"Love is a journey not a destination"

"A kiss that is never tasted is forever wasted"

"The first time you fall in love it changes your life forever and no matter how hard you try the feeling never really goes away"

"Find someone that can make you smile and don't give up on them"

"Don't go looking for love, let it find you because thats why its called falling in love"

"Love doesn't walk away, people do"

"Love is like wind, you can't see it, but you can feel it"

"When I said I loved you, I meant forever"

"Love is just a word until you find someone to give it a definition"

"No matter what someone tells you there is a person out there that is meant to wake up to you every morning"

"If he's dumb enough to walk away, then you must be smart enough to let him go"

"Be with someone who knows what they have, when they have you"

"People put up walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down" 

"I'm sick of all the tears, sick of all the sorrow, I just want to forget about yesterday and focus on tomorrow" 

"The girl who seemed unbreakable - Broke

The girl who seemed so strong - Crumbled

The girl who always laughed it off - Cried

The girl who would never stop trying - Finally gave up"

"Tired of trying, sick of crying, yeah I'm smiling, but inside I'm dying"

"I'm something you'll regret losing, I promise you that"

"When you run from something, it only stays longer; if you fight, it only makes you stronger"

"Old enough to know better, too young to care"

"If you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best"

"Just because her eyes don't tear doesn't mean her heart doesn't cry and just because she comes off strong doesn't mean there is nothing wrong" 

"Love is falling for him every time he looks in your eyes" 

"It's sad when people you know become people you knew,

When you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life,

How you used to be able to talk for hours and now you can barely even look at them" 

"It doesn't matter anymore I guess things happen for a reason, tears eventually fade, one day everything will be exactly how it's supposed to be, moving on is a process and you have to promise yourself that your really ready to let go" 

"Heres to the future because I'm done with the past"

"Don't worry about the people from your past, there's a reason they didn't make it into your future" 

Maybe one of these quotes may mean something to you (: 

God has his ways

"Be the change that you wish to see in the world."

-Gandhi

I have noticed lately that I am a lot happier than I thought I would be. With all of the things that have happened the past few months I thought that it would bring me down but it hasn't. I think that was God's plan. I have realized the past few months that I am a lot stronger than I thought and can take a lot more than I wanted to believe. I am finally to a point where I am comfortable with the person that I am. Yes, there are some things about me that I may not necessarily like but I am working on those. I am trying to be the person I want and who God wants me to be and suddenly I have more self esteem cause I don't really care what people think about me at least not as much as I did. I know that this is just the beginning of figuring out who I am going to be, but I think this is a good start. 

Honestly, I owe this to the people who are in my life that have helped me a lot, but it is also due to the people who have hurt me the most in life. I am grateful for everyone who has been in my life because they are the reason I am who I am. Most importantly I am grateful to have such an amazing God that not only put those people in my life, but also took away the ones that shouldn't stay. God can work in mysteries ways! 

more important than you think

Things have been really crazy lately and I have found myself not being about to put as much time or thought into Jesus as I would like. 

Anyways tonight I was at work and cleaning tables right before we closed. A man noticed my Young Life shirt and pointed and said your a Christian. I said yes. He asked me if he could ask me a question even though it may sound kind of odd. I put down my spray bottle and rag and said sure ask. I had no idea what he was going to ask but a million things were running through my head. He asked, "do you pray?" I answered yes and he said I was raised Christian but never really followed it until recently, and he said now I try and pray I find its a lot more important than people think. I completely agree with him. Then he asked me to pray for him. 

So not only am I going to pray for him to be able to find his way with God, but I am asking for any of you who might read this and feel comfortable praying, to also pray for this man. This man had the courage to ask me to pray for him and that is not something a lot of people can do. I hope at least one person reading this can pray for him and all the other strangers out there that are trying to find their way with God. They need help and support just like I did when I first decided to follow Christ. God can do some pretty amazing things in a persons life and moments like these are when I truly believe that. I think God brings everyone into your life for a reason. Even though I only talked to this man for a few minutes he was also brought into my life for a reason. 

"Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it"

John 14:13-14

Just another thought

I have recently been thinking about what the next year is going to consist of. This semester has been crazy with taking 18 units and working 25 hours a week. I have realized that I am going to need to do the same thing the next year. It is scary realizing that I am going to be so busy but it is all worth it when I think about how a year from now I will be getting ready to move down to San Diego. I have sacrificed a lot for school and to follow my dreams but eventually all of that hard work will pay off when I have achieved my dreams. 
I am going to have to take two summer classes this summer and both semesters next year take about 18 units. It is going to be stressful, but as long as it gets me where I want then it will all be worth it in the end.  I am ready to move out of Chico and get on with my life but for the next year there are somethings that I need to complete here and still a lot more growing up that I need to go through. I think I made the right choice going to Community College and living at home because it is giving me a chance to grow up and try and figure things out things about myself and get a taste of the real world while I can still have the support of my family. 

You are my Masterpiece

A long time ago I found a piece of paper and I have kept it in my Bible ever since. It is an excerpt from the book "His Princess: Love Letters from your King." The piece of paper has become my Bible bookmark and today I decided that I would share it with all of you. 

I love what I have created. I am delighted in you! 

Don't ever feel insecure about what you think you are not, because I made you in my image and your uniqueness is a gift from me. I did not give you a life, my love, for you to squeeze into a man-made mold. You are royalty, but you won't discover that truth by gazing into a mirror. Let me be your mirror and I will reflect back to you your true beauty. The more you gaze at me, the more you will see my workmanship in you. The sooner you see yourself for who you really are, the sooner you can begin your reign as my priceless princess with a purpose.

Love, 

Your King and your Creator

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

Ephesians 2:10

Best Friend Continued: My one true friend

On January 13th I posted a blog about best friends and today I decided to add to that. High School and my first year of college was a time when I gained and lost a lot of great friends. Some moved away, others changed, and others well I haven't yet figured out why they left. For a while it made me feel like it was my fault. Like I wasn't good enough for them to want to keep me around. Lately I have been realizing that maybe they weren't good enough to be in my life. Maybe God took them out of my life because he only wants the right people to be in my life.

I still have some pretty good friends but one in particular stands out. Kristlenne Chantel Vicuna. But she will always be Chantel to me (: We have been friends for a long time but for a while we weren't as close as we are now. Our Senior year we got pretty close and then ironically we got closer when she went off to college. We usually talk on the phone about once a week sometimes more and whenever something happens she is the first person to find out. I trust her with anything and treasure our friendship more than anything. She knows that she can count on me for anything. If she was ever in trouble or just needed me I would drop everything and drive 2 hours to be there for her. I know that if she had her car she would do the same thing. That is what best friends should be. We are always there for each other in spirit even if we can't always be together in person. Yes our friendship isn't perfect. We have fights just like any friends but it always ends with an apology and honestly I could never stay mad at her for very long. We may not have a perfect friendship but what is perfect anyways? I would not change one thing about our friendship. She has helped me through so much and I know that she is going to continue to be there for me through anything because that is what a best friend does. I am very blessed to have such a great friend and I thank God everyday for blessing me with such a great friend.
12 of my favorite Best Friend Quotes
"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walk out."
"A best friend shares the good times and help you out by listening during the bad times."
"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."
"Best friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway."
"Good friends are like stars…. You don’t always see them, but you know they are always there."
"My best friend is the one who brings out the best of me."
"True friends are like diamonds, precious and rare. False friends are like leaves, found everywhere."
"A best friend can tell you things you don’t want to tell yourself."
"A true friend is someone you can disagree with and still remain friends.If not, they weren’t true friends in the first place."
"A friend accepts us as we are yet helps us to be what we should."
"True friends are very difficult to find, hard to leave, and impossible to forget."
"A true friend reaches for your hand and touches your heart."

Hearing me rant

I am irritated with people who take advantage of financial aid and other government handouts. I understand that they are there for people who need money to be able to attend college and that they do help a lot of people. I am pissed off at the people who play the system. I work 25 hours a week and take 18 units and I get absolutely no government help. I am driven to make my many dreams and goals come true and I am doing whatever it takes to get to that point. My parents are a huge help and even though they will never want to admit it they are nervous about how the next few years are going to hit my family financially. I am not mad that I don't get financial help because I do have a pretty good life. My family has a house, we have three cars, and overall we do pretty well financially but lets face it with the prices of colleges pretty well isn't good enough. Life would be so much less stressful if I knew how I was going to pay for college, but I don't. 

One of the most irritating thing is when I'm talking to someone about school and I ask how many units they are taking and I get this answer. "Oh, i'm taking 12 units so I have a full load and can get financial aid." When I hear that I just want to start cursing and saying some very hurtful things, because I work my butt off and take 18 units not because I have to but because I want to. 

The next irritating thing. My dad is an anatomy teacher so he gets a lot of pre nursing students in his class. At the beginning of the semester because of how impacted our classes are he has to turn away a lot of students that could be great students and that would have been a great addition to the class. Instead sometimes he gets students that skim because they just need to get there financial aid. Pathetic! 

The final irritating thing. I was sitting in my Italian class yesterday and these two people were talking about financial aid. The girl said that she can't wait to get her financial aid because she needs a vacation. I got so irritated! Seriously that is what financial aid is to some people. A vacation! I would love to be able to take a vacation but I have work and school and no government handouts helping at all.

I understand the importance of financial aid and I am not saying that this describes everyone who gets financial aid. But like everything else there are problems with how it works. I think that is the issue. 

Something to think about

At the moment this blog was posted there were  6,999,321,881 in the world.  313,151,189 of those people live in the United States. For this blog I am just going to give you one of my favorite quotes and let you figure out what it means to you.  

"At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls. And sometimes... all you need is one." -Peyton Sawyer (One Tree Hill)